I have so much I want to talk about. I think day and night about all the topics I could cover. It drives me crazy. I don’t have many people to discuss things with these days.. and unfortunately my small family outside of my husband and child is very broken. Motherhood has really opened up my eyes to a lot of things and I’ve realized now that I have my son.. if we were the only 2 people left on this earth I could still smile each day. He is my light. My pride and joy. My everything. I have tried to tell myself that I will not live my life through him, but the truth is, my past is not a nice one and I long for him to have everything that I didn’t. My childhood was ok, my teenage years living with a stepfather who mentally abused me each day was horrific and my adulthood was wasted on a lot of nonsense. I started out doing well in life and happy and only now after all these years have I found a sense of happiness again. Some things I could have changed and some things I couldn’t. Although I try to not think back to all the things that bring me sadness it’s hard not to. I see my son every day and he is so innocent and pure and I think to myself that I will never let another human being harm him in any way and that I will show him the importance of not harming others. I will teach him wrong from right and hope that he becomes the man every woman always dreams about. That someday he will have a beautiful family that he loves with all his heart, and that most of all.. he will be happy that we decided to bring him into this world and he will love this world, even though sometimes it is filled with ugliness.
I started this blog to share my happiness in regards to my son with others, not to complain.. but I think it is my nature to let go of all the things that harm me. The way I let go is by letting it out. Talking. Most people close to me don’t like that. They like to keep things to themselves. They like to be quiet and go about their lives that way. Some of them even like to pretend that they are happy at all times. But, how can you understand true happiness if you haven’t felt some sorrow? How can you be happy for the things you have and truly appreciate them if you’ve never known what it’s like to go without? Even the most well-off people in the world can understand pain and heartache at some point. We all deal with certain things that are inevitable. We all deal with it in our own ways though. This will be my way.
Anyway… let me now introduce you to the person who has changed my life forever. The person who gives me hope every day that tomorrow will be an even better day. The only person in this whole world that can make me smile, even when I’m feeling sad inside. This is my son, Vincent.
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