It’s the final countdown. Doo doo doo doo.. doo doo doo doo doo.
Yep, that’s right. I can’t believe it. I am officially 25 days from my due date. Apparently having a 2 year old at home makes your second pregnancy just fly by. Except for the last few weeks which have not been fun at all.
Kidney Stones How I loathe Thee
I had planned to post this 5 days ago but since then I’ve come to the conclusion just like last pregnancy I am suffering from a kidney stone. I’ve been miserable and in pain for days. I considered the possibility I was having back labor but when the pain stayed focused on my left kidney I knew what was happening. To survive this without narcotics has been an extreme challenge. I can handle A LOT of pain before I actually start complaining, I did have a 10lb baby after all, but right now it’s all I can do to stay sane. 2 times now I’ve considered going to the hospital but now my husband has gone back to work until Friday so I’ll try to stick it out until then.
Bed Rest? Yeah Right
This pregnancy has been filled with all sorts of surprises. From the start when I had awful morning (all day) sickness to the fact that I only gained 16lbs until 2 weeks ago when I went up 11lbs in 13 days! Then came the death of my Grandma and the high blood pressure, the preeclampsia scare, iron deficiency, weekly office visits that I was told I was no longer allowed to bring my 2 year old to (wow how convenient), the big-time hormone fluctuations and now finally the kidney stone(s) and hip/back pain because I’m approaching the weight I was when I was pregnant with my 1st son.. which we won’t discuss. All I’ll say is I gained 54+lbs. Oh yeah and then there’s the bed rest.
My poor baby boy has really missed out this summer on a lot of things. We did make it to the zoo and played a lot in the beginning at the park etc. but for the majority of this time all he’s heard is the lame excuse “mommy’s sick”. Yeah, mommy’s not only sick but mommy’s sick and tired… of all those people who had promised to stop by and check on me or to call. Not one person has lived up to their promise. I’m sure some would even be annoyed if they read this but it’s true. Not one person has stopped by my house for the simple task of just asking a friend if they need help. I’ve had to pay all my help. I know for some it’s only fair that I pay them because they have had to miss work in order to help out but I still wonder where the friendship part comes in? When do someone unexpectedly drop in just to say hi or see if I’m alright?
I guess that’s all part of my life changing. Most of my friends don’t have children and those that do are busy 24/7 with work and other things. Sometimes I ask myself though.. what’s my families excuse? We’ve all heard that it takes a village but unfortunately around here that doesn’t apply. I got 1 hours help from my brother this pregnancy. Granted he’s only 18 and he don’t get it but my sister does and I have only seen her once in the past year and that was at my Grandma’s funeral. I’ll never forget her last words to me. “you’re not alone”. I haven’t seen or heard from her since. Other people… we won’t get into specifics but they’re not here.. they’re not stopping by and they’re not calling. They return MY calls but they’re not calling…..and the thing that hurts the most…. they’re not spending time with my son and they’re missing out on things that none of us can ever experience with him again. I log on to Facebook only to see that from sun up to sun down people are busy playing games and it just amazes me that people would choose that over a real life flesh and bone person that loves them, cares for them, wants to play and have fun with them and who talks about them non-stop. How many times can you tell a 2 yr old that EVERYONE is working when they’re really not?
Great Grandma – High In the Sky
With the moon and the stars. She watches us every day. At least that’s what my 2 year old son tells me. I haven’t talked about it much and it’s been 2 months now but the death of my Grandma has really been hard for me. I hadn’t seen her in person for 3 yrs and the last time I did she cried so hard her whole body shook. I don’t think anyone has been that happy to see me since then. I don’t know.. I don’t want to start a long drawn out story because I’m already crying now.. I guess I just needed to get it out. I miss her. I miss picking up the phone and getting advice and hearing her witty comebacks. I miss knowing that someone on this earth besides my son loves me unconditionally and would never stop speaking to me if they were mad at me. Would never abandon me out of spite. Would never just give up on our relationship. She truly loved me and she kept the most important promise she ever made me until the day she died. I just thank God that every day I have my son to remind me that she’s still around. It’s just really hard some days to get up knowing that everyone you lived with in your house is now gone. It’s just you…and you constantly wait around for others who don’t have time.
I think I’ll end this post now. I don’t write much personal stuff these days but I guess I just wanted it out there. I’m going to have another baby soon and things can happen that you don’t expect. Hopefully it will all be positive but in the case that it isn’t… at least someone will know how I felt. That’s what this blog was supposed to be about to begin with. Real life. Although I love doing giveaways and even as hard as it can be sometimes I still love my life. We all have bad days. This is my way of getting it out and moving on. Hope you understand.
P.S. I am a big fan of art. Since I haven’t had time to do my own lately I thought I’d start sharing more here in my posts from wonderfully talented artists from Deviantart, which I’ve been a member of for many years. This piece here is so absolutely fitting when I think of my Grandma. My son always tells me he can’t reach the moon or Great Grandma and since she’s up there now this piece is just so fitting. I tell him “Someday baby, when we’re very old and we’ve lived a long happy life we’ll reach Great Grandma again.”