Goodbye 2010 – One of the Best and Worst Years of My Life – Time to Dry My Tears

2010 has been a year of up’s and down’s for me. It started with my 2010 New Years resolution to get organized. By January I had done just that. After 6 long years of struggling with immigration my husband received his 10 year green card.  I was able to go to a specialist for the first time after more than 15 years of not having health insurance and discover I had a Vitamin D deficiency and finally put a stop to all the mysterious pain I had been in for years. After 3 years of scrimping, saving, couponing and laying down the law left and right we paid off 2 high interest loans, one with a 25% interest rate and the other with a 50% interest rate (YES they exist-DONT EVER DO IT).

Things were really looking up for 2010 to be the best year of my life. Then my Grandmother who had moved away a few years ago was put on hospice. My husband drove me 900 miles to be by her side because I couldn’t let her go until she met my son Vincent. She had promised me months before that she would never go until she seen him. Her and I were like that.. we could talk about anything. She waited for us, my son told her he loved her and 4 hours after we reluctantly left, she passed. She kept her promise.

At my Grandma’s funeral I was able to see my little sister for the first time in over a year. We talked, we laughed, and then we parted ways again. ( I won’t get into why it’s like that). I also proudly sat amongst people who falsely accused me of something for years that I hadn’t done.. knowing the only one in the room that knew the real truth was my Grandma and myself and I was having to say goodbye to her.

September came and my own baby brother, 17 years younger, shipped off to join the Marines. A week or so later I gave birth to my 2nd beautiful baby boy, Aidan. My miracle baby. He was born with his cord wrapped around his neck and a true knot. True knots are very rare and only happen in about 1% of pregnancies.

Not long after, my husband and I separated. This isn’t something I have ever shared on my blog.. but I was here taking care of a 2 yr old and a newborn, alone and I was very very sad. My husband took a very big step and sought counseling in order to work through our issues. Eventually we chose to stay together. Things are still tough but our marriage and our family are worth it. We’re working on it. It can be very hard for him being in another country away from his own family, and me.. well I felt like I was losing my family.. slowly, one by one and some days it’s really hard.

At Christmas things started looking up and my oldest and I were able to sit down and do a ton of activities together. It reminded me so much of when I was young and my Grandma always had something for me to do, whether it needlepoint, paint by number, learning to knit. It was really strange knowing that everyone I grew up with in this house is now gone. I know they’re looking over us and because of that I try to be a better person.

If I were to define 2010 by anything at all it would be the promise my Grandma made me. She held on when she shouldn’t have been able to. She waited for us. I guess I feel so guilty that I hadn’t gone to see her for years. Her and I were so close at one time. We were all each other had as far as I’m concerned.. and she was the only person I’ve ever known who would tell me the honest truth no matter what.  She helped raise me. She wasn’t perfect either but she knew that.. and I know in my heart that she wanted better for me because she tried my entire life to help me or to teach me lessons that would help me. Even the few times she was wrong she was doing it straight from the heart and that’s all that matters.

Oh, I feel like I’m rambling and I know that I am but do you know how hard it is to sum up an entire year? And here I am writing stuff that makes it seem that I’m ending it on a sad note. I’m not. I’m really not.

This year may have been crazy but I learned a lot of valuable lessons and I learned the power of love. True love. That one person can change your life forever. And that’s what happened to me this year. My life was changed forever by two very important people. Now it’s time to go forward into the new year and take with me all these lessons I’ve been so fortunate to learn and do something with them. Do something better for my family and for myself and better for all those I encounter that may need my help.

Thank you to everyone who supports me. All the friends I’ve been so lucky to meet or have this past year on twitter, facebook, all the various mom communities and in real life. Even the sweepers! I love you guys.

Next year will NOT be the greatest year of my life, but I will try my hardest.

Now I wipe away my tears, put on my rose colored glasses and move forward with a smile. 

This post features artwork and photography copyright by me. Please don’t steal. Hover your mouse to see the title. If you can’t see the pictures you need to calibrate the colors on your monitor.